Birth Control

So, here we are on day 3 and the beginning of birth control. Ugh, hate it!!

The "Secret" Update

Ok - so we decided that since we pay close to $3000 a year to keep our children frozen, we figured, what the hell, let's have a baby! We called and made an appointment and met with the doc's. Sad part, the doctors we saw last time, both retired. Very sad, but very happy for them! Our new doctor is Dr. Erica Johnstone, she is way nice. So we ran over the logistics of the procedures and how it all works. This time around instead of paying $15,000 (which we only have $4000 left to pay off!) we only have to pay $3500. Phew!! That helps alot on the pocket book. We were also informed that the study we signed up for when we got knocked up with Weston is still valid. So since we transferred ONE FRESH embryo, the will PAY to transfer ONE FROZEN embryo!! Say WHAT!! You will pay!! Sign us up!! We do have to pay for the meds, so under $1000!! SAY WHAT!!!

After our appointment we let everything sink in and talked about a lot of different options. Is now the perfect time, should we wait, what if it does work, what if it doesn't; you say the questions and we asked them.

So the decision - YUP! We are going to try for #2!! We have been waiting for my period to start and today is the day!! The flow began!! Here we go!! I am so not ready to be a human pin cushion again, but we both know that #2 needs to come ASAP. It's amazing how God communicates with you and let's you know. So to my next child - Please be easy on me. No heart defects (been there, done that). Please be healthy with no problems. I don't care if you are a girl or boy, I just hope you are as perfect as your big brother!!

Hold on tight - cause here we go!!1

Sshhhhh!!! It's a secret!!

So everyone knows I don't update this blog very often, but let's see who is reading it!! If you want to know my secret, leave a comment or a guess and I will tell you!! I will however give you one hint!

Fear

You would think that when Weston was born and going through all that he did that I would have been terrified of him not waking up or something horrible. Don't get me wrong, I was afraid, but in my mind, it couldn't get much worse than what we were and had gone through. Now that he is growing up and his heart is great, I am more afraid. The nights he sleeps through the night, I am terrified to go and check on him. I am so scared to find something I don't want to find. Does this fear ever go away or am I now a mom and will always be afraid for him? Or am I skeptical because I now know that anything could happen to anyone at any given time. Hopefully by talking (blogging) about my fear, I will be able to get it over it and keep telling myself that God loves me and won't give me anything that I can't handle, but please God, don't put me through something else with Weston. That was way to hard.

Weston Cardio Update

On Monday we went to Primary Children's and saw Dr Miller and Dr Puchalski and got great news! Weston has gained a great amount of weight and has also gained height. Since he has increased so much, they took him off the Lasix medication that was helping keep fluid off of his lungs; before they did they listened to his heart and lungs and skipped the chest xray. Now the concern is how well his heart is going to do as he grows. As long as the leak in his pulmonary valve stays small and the coronary arteries don't have to much stress on him, we are good to go. If not, surgery again. The chance for surgery is very very minimal. So for now, they said enjoy Weston and let him live his life as a regular boy! The next words out of their mouth, "See you in a year!" YIPPEE!!

Ok.....Look.....

Alright, it's time. I have been holding a lot of these feelings and emotions in, but it is time to vent and release. I love my family and friends. I love how unique and different they are. I love that they have so much passion for what they believe in (religion, politics, whatever). I love they have opinions, but I don't love that I am judged and told I am wrong when my opinion isn't the same. I respect you, so why don't you respect me?? Now this does not include the majority of my friends and family, but just a teeny bit of them, but it is still hard. The decision that Chris and I make are our decisions, you may not agree with them, but why not support us?? We will support you if we don't agree.
Let me tell you where this stems from and what has evolved. Yes - Chris and I are different religions. I support him, he supports me. Personally, I love going to mass with him and seeing how it is different spiritually and politically from the LDS faith. I have learned alot. Chris has come with me to church and he says we are so missing out by blessing water and not wine for the blood of Christ; he is a nerd! When we got married we chose to keep religion out of our wedding and have a judge marry us. God was with us that day, do you not remember the beautiful weather the end of October! Anywho....we knew when we had kids that it would be a challenge with faith. Ultimately we decided, it's not our decision what our kids believe, it is up to them and we would support them anyone they decided, as long as God was part of it. So, when Weston was born, we were placed in a dilemma. The worst crossed our mind and we wanted to make sure Weston would be Welcomed by God and his open arms. I know that God would never turn away one of his children if they had not been baptized, but we were in total panic mode! We had Father Anthony give Weston a healing prayer and my Uncle's gave Weston an LDS blessing (along with Chris & I). While Father Anthony was there, Chris asked me if it was ok to baptize Weston with the Catholic faith. I was totally fine with it. The best part, Father Anthony did not make me promise to raise Weston Catholic, which is the common practice. I felt so relieved that I didn't have to make that promise.
But now, not to name names, but part of my family is not supporting this and giving us so much grief. I know what they believe and the is fine, but PLEASE, the decision we made was ours and we would never change it. So I ask.......what is my family going to say if Weston decides to become a Buddhist or Jewish, does it matter??? Is God in his life? Yes! Isn't that what is important? Like I said, I support what you believe, what you feel and what your opinion is, but why can't you do the same for me??
Ok - I feel better. Less frustrated, but still upset. One day it will hopefully get better!! To all of those that support us, THANK YOU!! I hope you feel that we do the same to you!

Six Months

Yup! It's been six months!! This picture was taken exactly a week after Weston's surgery. I finally got to hold him and he only had two chest tubes left. Amazing how one moment you think that you are experiencing the worst possible thing ever, and then you open your eyes and it was six months ago!We left the hospital almost two weeks after this picture was taken. Since we have been home, Weston hasn't stopped growing. He is sitting on his own, almost crawling, eating lots of food, jumping more than a jumping bean and becoming a comedian. He loves the ladies and is a big time flirt!

I do Thank God each and every day for him. I am still healing from everything we went through and I hope soon I will be past the emotional part. I have been very angry and upset with God and the trials he has put us through. The anger is gone, but for some reason, I cannot forgive yet. I am hoping that part will come soon. I heard a great quote from a great woman (Oprah), "To be ok with the past doesn't mean you need to forget, you need to forgive."